Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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