You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
