Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
