your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
