I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
