I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
