i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
