fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
