Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
