so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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