Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize