i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
