ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
