How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
