your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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