When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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