Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
