If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
