I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize