i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize