k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
