I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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