I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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