Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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