so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
