meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
