on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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