so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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