I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need help removing her.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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