history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
