I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
