I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
