I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
