it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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