ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
