dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
