I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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