I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
