I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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