Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize