I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
