Moan for me like Helen Keller
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
