I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
