she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
