PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize