Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
