im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
