so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
