At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
