Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
