he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
