Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
