You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
