I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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