I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just invented taco cereal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
