Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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