Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
