He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
