we're blogging at a bar
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
