Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
