You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
