Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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