Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
