if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
