How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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