So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
