hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
